Story
(Written for a friend who suffered the loss of a child...)
(Written for a friend who suffered the loss of a child...)
Falling off the edge of the world again tonight
My parachute is broke and I never learned to fly
Falling down
Falling down
I’m falling down
If I had a ladder I’d climb up to your star
Without a ladder I’m just a bit too far
Falling down
Falling down
I’m falling down
Maybe you could catch me
Maybe you could come out here
Meet me in the atmosphere
Falling off the edge of the world again tonight
Looking for a sign that I’m gonna be alright
(Because we all have dirty little secrets...and because the truth will set you free.)
My dirty little secret's
Not a secret anymore
I can't even keep it from myself
Everybody's secrets
Look the same behind close doors
If I had only known before I fell
Can you even recognize
The better part of me
Undercover in disguise
Where I wanna be
Anywhere but me
My dirty little secret
Spilled out on the kitchen floor
As you pour your second cup of tea
I can't clean it up
The way I always did before
On the sly so no one else can see
Can you even recognize the better part of me
In my lies and alibis where I wanna be
Anywhere but me
If I'm good enough you am I good enough for me
Can you even recognize
The heart inside my sleeve
What is left for me to hide
Who's left to believe
Anyone but me
(tom and dave wrote this song at the rocky mountain folks festival. we were all sitting around talking and laughing and i said to tom, "you know, right now, you look like that picture. the one where you're laughing..." so they took that line and wrote a song about believing in yourself and all the good things you are.)
How many times have you stood alone and wondered
Are you really good enough
And how could you meet all the expectations knowing
That you were only faking it
You look like the picture I saw when you were laughing
And everything was coming true
You look like the painting I always saw inside
I always saw inside of you
I saw you fall and I heard you make the sound
You make instead of crying
And when you were down all the friends you thought were friends
They all took off without you
You look like the picture I saw when you were laughing
And everything was coming true
You look like the painting I always saw inside
I always saw inside of you
And now you wonder why did they love you
And if they loved you why did they leave you
But who’s the one you really need
To believe, to believe?
You look like the picture I saw when you were laughing
And everything was coming true
You look like the painting I always saw inside
I always saw inside of you
(I wrote this song in May 2007. I met Mary Gauthier in August 2007. After hearing her story, I felt like I had written this song for the both of us. I was over the moon when she agreed to sing the background vocals for this song on my album.)
I'm a little queen of denial
Rather face the future than my fears
So I tuck away the trials
Save em for a rainier year
But I'm looking out my window
And I see it's raining pretty hard
Maybe now it's time to tend the garden
Growing in my own backyard
I...
I know I've tried
So hard to hide
All the pain with the pride
But I...
I know it's time
To meet what is mine
Forgive what I find
Forgive what I find
I know a little girl with a secret
Can't stop swallowing her shame
Goes down smoother in a shot glass
Helps her to forget her own name
I tell her you can dig a deep well
Just to throw your sorrows in
But eventually the echoes
Rise up to find you again
And I...
I know I've tried
So hard to hide
All the pain with the pride
But I...
I know it's time
To meet what is mine
Forgive what I find
Forgive what I find
Mary, Mary don't be wary
Must you carry such a load
Lay your grief out on the ground
And watch your garden grow
And I...
I know I've tried
So hard to hide
All the pain with the pride
And I...
I know it's time
To meet what is mine
Forgive what I find
Forgive what I find
(in relationships, we all wonder if we have what it takes...and if our partners have what it takes...to go the distance. and to be trusted that we can.)
If I promised you the truth
Then I fell in front of you
Would you have faith in me
If I slipped below the sand
Would you reach for my hand
Have faith in me
Could you believe
In what you can't see
When the highest I could do
Wasn't high enough for you
Did you have faith in me
When you held me to the light
But I turned your day to night
Did you have faith in me
Did you believe
In what you couldn’t see
Will you believe
In what you can't see
What's there left to do
For me to put my trust in you
That you'd have faith in me
(sometimes the grass looks greener but it usually never is...)
Light up a cigarette
Cause you're not home yet
And you are not the one that's in my head
It's safe enough I guess
This friendly tete-a-tete
Cause I won't let it wind up in our bed
But I'm wondering if he's wondering that I'm wondering what he's doing
As I'm thinking as I'm sitting by the phone
And I'm liking that he's liking that I'm liking how we're talking
When we call because we call when we're alone
And I'm not crossing lines I can't uncross when it is time because
I know when i get too close to the fire
So I'm wondering if he's wondering that I'm wondering what He's doing
As I'm thinking as I'm sitting by the phone
Draw the shades again
Not ready to begin
Another day that works me to the bone
I'm not the only one
Who knows the need to run
I hide behind the lines that i can't own
Cause I'm wondering if he's wondering that I'm wondering What he's doing
As I'm thinking as I'm sitting by the phone
And I'm liking that he's liking that I'm liking how we're talking
When we call because we call when we're alone
And I'm not crossing lines I can't uncross when it is time because
I know when I get too close to the fire
So I'm wondering if he's wondering that I'm wondering what he's doing
As I'm thinking as I'm sitting by the phone
Keeping house will never be the fun I find in fantasy
But fun is just a season then it's done
Still I'm wondering if he's wondering that I'm wondering what he's doing
As I'm thinking as I'm sitting by the phone
And I'm liking that he's liking that I'm liking how we're talking
When we call because we call when we're alone
And I'm not crossing lines I can't uncross when it is time because
I know when I get too close to the fire
So I'm wondering if he's wondering that I'm wondering what He's doing
As I'm thinking as I'm sitting by the phone
(when my sister and i would yell and scream and fight with each other, my mom would say to us, "pretty girls have pretty voices"... in other words, BE QUIET. i think the difference between my mother's generation and my generation is that my generation is a lot more likely to say what we think and less likely to stuff our feelings. but sometimes those are hard lessons to learn.)
You…never liked…your ugly duckling
You never like me…without my…lipstick on
You…never like…my recollections where your memories
Where you memories are…tread upon
You…never come…right out and tell me
The scenic route has…always…been your way
But I’ve…been riding shotgun with you long enough to know
Long enough to know what you mean when you say
Pretty girls…have pretty voices
Pretty girls…preserve their youth
Pretty girls…know all their choices
Pretty girls…don’t tell the truth
You…can teach a girl…to curtsy
Set a table…like her great grandmother did
You…can dress her up…in velvet
Neglect to tell her…all…the secrets you hid
And love…love is not…the question
Cause if you wanted…you could love someone to death
Love…them straight into…the closet…afraid to draw
Afraid to draw…afraid to draw a breath
Pretty girls…have pretty voices
Pretty girls…preserve their youth
Pretty girls…know all their choices
Pretty girls…don’t tell the truth
Pretty girls…have pretty voices
Pretty girls…preserve their youth
Pretty girls…know all their choices
Pretty girls…don’t tell the truth
(Sometimes it's time to make a move...written around a campfire at the Rocky Mountain Folks Fest with some of my favorite peeps.)
I never fell out the door to fly through the sky
Never had the guts to just give it a try
Never dove in naked at the edge of the sun
Don't take off my clothes for just anyone
But I'm thinking about it
Yeah I'm thinking about it
Never climbed to the top just to take in the view
Never put a lot of thought into the things I do
Never told the truth like the good book said
Never took the chances that my daddy did
But I'm thinking about it
Yeah I'm thinking about it
Then indecision brings its own delays,
And days are lost lamenting over lost days.
Are you in earnest? Seize this very minute;
What you can do, or dream you can do, begin it;
Boldness has genius, power and magic in
Never loved anybody with all of my heart
Never laid it on the line from the very start
Never walked right up and just asked you to dance
Never gave myself that much of a chance
But I'm thinking about it
Yeah I'm thinking about it
(Sometimes our beliefs evolve...)
I'm still praying
I know you're listening to me but I’m not staying the way I used to be
It was easy when I knew your name I still see you but you don't look the same
Friends are crying
I think you're smiling with me
I'm not dying
Just learning to be free
I'm no longer shackled to my shame
I grow stronger when i don't fear the flame
Raised my fists and busted through the sky you rained down, said you are love as much As much as I
I'm still praying i know you're listening to me...
(having a daughter starting junior high made me think a lot about my own adolescence and what i'd like to tell her about it, and what i would go back and change if i could...)
If I went back to seventh grade
Before all my mistakes were made
To soccer games and innocence
And Jimmy Carter was the president
Dingo boots and Wolfman Jack
Bonne Bell and Gunne Sax
And love notes that I never sent
To my track coach cause running was romantic
If I went back to jr high
Before my secrets made me cry
To Happy Days, Laverne & Shirley
When all the boys were way too squirrely
And the book I found up on mama's shelf
Upside down so I stole it for myself and read it
Locked behind the bathroom door
Everything I ever wanted to know about sex and more
If I went back I wouldn't be so afraid
To ask my mom about mistakes she made
Hungry for her history
When she was just a girl like me
I'd ask her did she go too far
In the backseat of her boyfriends's car
I'd ask her did she ache for love
Inside disguises she wasn't proud of
Ask her did she take the blame
Ask her did she feel the shame
Ask her did she learned to stand
Outside the shadow of a man
Ask her things i hope to say
Before my daughters walk away
Before my prayers have all been prayed
Before they hit the halls of seventh grade
(once you've been hurt, do you ever go back to who you were before?)
My heart it used to bounce
Just like a rubber ball
Never skipped a beat
When I would take a fall
It never used to bleed
Till the blood ran blue
That was before now
That was before you
Like a little boy
Playing in the dirt
Who takes apart his toys
To see what makes em work
You took my only heart
Threw it on the ground
And when it didn't bounce
You turned without a sound
Despite what you might say
I never asked a lot
Just that you'd hold my heart
And never let it drop
So here's the tricky part
What's a girl to do
Knowing she gave her heart
To a boy who wasn't true
Does she take it back
Does she risk it all
Knowing it will never bounce
Again just like a rubber ball
Despite what you might think
I'd live without a lot
If you could hold my heart
And never let it drop
My heart it used it bounce
Just like a rubber ball
Never skipped a beat
When i would take a fall
It never used to bleed
Till the blood ran blue
That was before now
That was before you
(the things we all think but rarely say...)
I have always been afraid
Of the happiness we’ve made
So before you turn to leave
Consider me
Consider me
Consider me
I can never turn my face
To the brighter side of grace
Before your shadow sets you free
Consider me
Consider me
Consider me
If I’m not everything you want
Am I still worthy of your love
I am all that I can be
Consider me
Consider me
Consider me